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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26513308">spread those wings wide and take me along</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/coolattaz'>coolattaz (orphan_account)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self-Aware</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Assisted Suicide, Blood, Crying, Death, Kissing, M/M, Murder, Religious Content, Religious Imagery &amp; Symbolism, angel tommy coolatta, benrey has like 2 or 3, bubby only has one line, but to be fair gordon loses it a LOT more, good ending but only for some and its debatable, idk if thats exactly the right tag but gordon lets himself die, its more explicit like twice thats it, minor gore, not tagging until the tag is split but gordon and the gman are both also in this, purposefully written poorly in some places to set a tone, rated m for violence and death that's it, sad dad gman, tommy is specifically an ophan, yeah gman loses it in this</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:22:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,611</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26513308</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/coolattaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>It couldn't have been avoided, I suppose.</em>
</p><p>It couldn't?</p><p>Gordon did not believe in fate yet.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>spread those wings wide and take me along</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/bevmantle/gifts">bevmantle</a>.</li>


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26486452">we dont own the world around us</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/bevmantle/pseuds/bevmantle">bevmantle</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>seriously read all the tags for this one! please don't read if you don't think it would be good for you.</p><p>anyways this is supposed to be a sequel to my friend bev's fic <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26486452">we dont own the world around us</a> which was itself inspired by my short fic <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26478490/chapters/64523125">final boss</a> which originally featured a much different final boss tommy (but i liked bevs so i stole it LOL). anyways you need to read bevs fic to understand this one so go do that if you haven't already and come back when you're done</p><p>title taken from the song <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0_AEJnpWzA">true thrush by dan deacon</a> (because i also stole that from bev)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He did it.</p><p> </p><p>Oh God, he did it.</p><p> </p><p>He killed Tommy.</p><p> </p><p>He couldn’t look while he did it, squeezing his eyes shut and turning his head. Too bad he couldn’t cover his ears, because the sickening sound, the <em> boom </em> and the <em> squelch </em> of his head exploding was still ringing through his mind. He didn’t think it would ever disappear. </p><p> </p><p>He kept his eyes closed, shut so tightly, even as he heard Benrey scream in grief. Even as he felt Tommy’s splattered blood dripping down his face. Even as he heard the world <em> warp </em> and <em> woop </em>, even as he saw flashes of light beyond his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>The world got much colder very fast, and he could himself moving, and finally, finally, he opened his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>He stood in a stark black void, streaks of white stars streaming past.</p><p> </p><p>The person in front of him looked disturbingly familiar.</p><p> </p><p>In front of him was the G-Man. He stood tall, glaring down at Gordon with his usual detached mystery. But... his face was twitching, and the death grip he had on his suitcase was turning his knuckles white. His eyes were glowing a usual cyan, but underneath they were shiny with tears. He looked barely put together. Why--</p><p> </p><p>“Progeny,” Gordon blurted out. “Oh God.”</p><p> </p><p>Oh <em> God </em>.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t just kill Tommy.</p><p> </p><p>He killed this man’s son.</p><p> </p><p>The G-Man blinked at him, and turned his head. Hid it.</p><p> </p><p>“It… couldn’t have been avoided, I... suppose.”</p><p> </p><p>It couldn’t?</p><p> </p><p>Gordon was looking in a million directions, like he had a million eyes, at every step he took in that facility, every blip on the radar, everything he did and chose and spoke and thought and breathed. Unknowingly being corralled into a smaller and smaller cage, every possible outcome scratched and rewritten and closed off and missed until he was left with only one way forwards.</p><p> </p><p>How long was he stuck down that path? Gordon did not believe in fate yet. Nothing is ever supposed to happen, no predetermined deaths, no net on this balancing act and no leash on his neck. Somewhere he made a mistake. Somewhere was somewhere he could have changed.</p><p> </p><p>He could have listened to Tommy, incomprehensible and so divine, and let himself be taken.</p><p> </p><p>Taken into those arms, he was sure his death would have been so peaceful. So restful.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy was nice and gentle like that. He wouldn’t splatter his brains into his friend’s lap. He would have taken Gordon’s last breath like a gift, like a kiss, and Gordon would give it to him so willingly now.</p><p> </p><p>The G-Man was talking to him now, his voice barely wavering with a covered grief, but Gordon wasn’t listening. His blood was still roaring in his ears, Tommy’s blood still dripping and dripping and dripping down his face. He wanted to peel this disgusting skin off. He didn’t want this suit and this gun. He wanted everything to go back to normal. He wanted to go back to Tommy.</p><p> </p><p>If he wasn’t shellshocked, he would have realized he no longer had his suit or gun, taken by The G-Man (because of course, it was not his property, and of course, he did not deserve it), but he still felt it, felt the metal constricting his joints and the hot barrel of the gun searing his elbow from the inside, because it was still smoking, still fresh, dripping dripping dripping blood and Gordon thought he was losing his mind but he was wrong because he already did. The moment the gun went off.</p><p> </p><p>“Take me back.”</p><p> </p><p>The G-Man startled at that, apparently also too lost in his own world (with its billions of connections and moments, since the start of time, down to this dismal nadir) to notice Gordon’s wild eyes, panting breath. Blood on his hands. Hand. Noticing every point grow closer together.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you… mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“To Tommy. I want to go back. You can do that, right? You can change time. Stop it. Whatever. You can put me back.”</p><p> </p><p>The G-Man stared at him, and stared at the blood covering him, and stared beyond him, beyond right now, like he so apparently could, like Gordon wanted to so badly believe. </p><p> </p><p>“I have... that ability, certainly. But… not all things that <em> can </em> , be done. <em> Should </em>, be done.” And he was staring staring staring at his son’s blood again.</p><p> </p><p>God, don’t remind him. But he wasn’t God.</p><p> </p><p>“So you want him to be dead? You’re just going to accept that? That your son is fucking dead? You can change it and you’ll let him stay dead?” Gordon asked. Bluntly. Angrily.</p><p> </p><p>The G-Man bristled, clenching his teeth and narrowing his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“And who’s fault is that, <em> Mister Freeman </em>?” He spat Gordon’s name like it was venom. “Who killed my dear Tommy?”</p><p> </p><p>Gordon finally noticed his face was wet, fat tears rolling down his face.</p><p> </p><p>“I gave you-- I gave you all the right directions, I pushed you off this path, and you kept going, you kept going-- until there was-- there was no turning back. You did this!” He yelled, his voice breaking and stuttering in too familiar a way, all composure lost, like father like son, and his eyes glowed far too familiar too but in all the wrong and worst ways, and he really did have this man’s blood on him. His blood’s blood. He did do this.</p><p> </p><p>“So let me undo it.” Gordon was quiet now, his voice too unsteady to raise. Couldn’t raise in the presence of this beast of grief.</p><p> </p><p>The G-Man just stared at him, all fury crying grievance all more down to two points, and nothing no more behind those eyes, locked away again. </p><p> </p><p>“And what do you think… will happen to you?” The G-Man said. His eyes were empty but his voice was still strained, and he still crouched like he so desperately wanted to kill Gordon before any other part of him now or then got the chance.</p><p> </p><p>Gordon reached for his gun (not for any need to protect or kill or kill or kill because he couldn’t do any of that anymore, just for support), his hand missing what he couldn’t have grabbed, but he didn’t let it distract him. He gripped his stump instead. </p><p> </p><p>“I want to be with Tommy.” </p><p> </p><p>That was all he said, and The G-Man must have understood. He had to understand. Very well.</p><p> </p><p>Finally he straightened, his body and his tie, the glow of his eyes dimming. Convinced. Unsure still, but convinced. “I only have...so much space. To move things. And this will certainly… see me some <em> trouble </em> , from. My employers. But I am feeling… flexible, today. So it can. Be <em> arranged </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>And Gordon’s eyes were moving back back and back and the world was flashing and spinning and black and white and yellow and red and Tommy, there was Tommy. </p><p> </p><p>Oh G-d. Tommy.</p><p> </p><p>He was back in the cave on Xen, and here was Tommy, just as beautifully painful as the first time around. Just as many or not eyes and arms and wings and rings and flame, and Gordon couldn’t look away, because he did that at the last death and he would not for this one.</p><p> </p><p>He wanted to look into those eyes again and see everything good. Everything G-d. It wasn’t here now but it would be, just a few seconds and it would all be G-d, all loving and tender and finally peaceful.</p><p> </p><p>“Gordon! What the fuck?” Benrey screamed. “What the fuck did you do?”</p><p> </p><p>“Where the fuck did your suit go?” Bubby was yelling now, but he didn’t know what Benrey knew.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are we back here?!” Benrey was screaming again, somewhere behind Gordon again. He didn’t turn to look. He was awash in Tommy’s light.</p><p> </p><p>Gordon didn’t feel the need to respond to him. He would figure it out.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s empty here, Tommy!” He was the one screaming now, over the sound of a billion lights. Over the sound of a billion timelines crashing and careening into him, over and over, doubled over in pain because this shouldn’t have happened but it was the only right choice.</p><p> </p><p>“I want to rest now. Please.” He was quiet again because he knew Tommy heard it, and that was all that mattered. Tommy was reaching for him again, so many and a regular amount of arms, and he reached his own arms up, desperate for that divine touch. He ignored the screams of the team behind him. He wouldn’t be hearing it soon, anyways.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy envelopes him, all warm and loving, and he feels that gentle kiss on his lips. </p><p> </p><p>He kisses back. </p><p> </p><p>He lets him take his soul and rip his mortal body apart at the seams. He wouldn’t need it where he was going.</p><p> </p><p>He’s so happy he doesn’t even think to say goodbye.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Somewhere, nowhere, anywhere, at any time never not at all, Gordon and Tommy sat together. Gordon wasn’t tired anymore, and Tommy could protect him. Sunkist sat curled up next to them, and Gordon reached over and ruffled the fur on her head. She didn’t mind him waking her from her nap-- none of them minded anything at all anymore.</p><p> </p><p>There was no more pain here. </p><p> </p><p>In a place in a time in a future that didn’t exist for them anymore, there was a group of old friends who didn’t get that pleasure. There were those who didn’t get out. </p><p> </p><p>Oh well.</p><p> </p><p>Gordon turned and kissed Tommy. Looked into his eyes. Saw G-d. Again. Alive. So good and sweet and right. </p><p> </p><p>Gordon did believe in fate. Divine providence. Angel’s grace.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing was ever <em> supposed </em> to happen.</p><p> </p><p>But nothing could be changed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading and thank you to my friend bev for being such a good author and thank you to my friend andi for staying up until 4am to read what I wrote. love yall</p><p>if this hurt you please file a complaint <a href="https://jewishtommycoolatta.tumblr.com/">here</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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